NEW BEGINNINGS

I bought a new electric wheelchair and a wheelchair lift which will allow me to accompany Judy and Hope when they go shopping. It's a Pride Quantum Rehab Q610 Power Electric Wheelchair with an impressive array of electronics and positioning systems. It also has excellent climbing and transitioning capabilities. I think that part of the reason I have been having doubts about my existence is because I am always home. I thought that it would be easier to hide from the world and live a secluded existence with my family. I was wrong. I see now that secluding myself only magnifies my feelings of helplessness. Earlier today, we went to the mall, and I truly enjoyed myself. I saw some other disabled people in the mall, and most of them smiled at me when we passed each other. It was kind of like they knew that I needed to be accepted by the world once again. Who says that the world is full of bad people? Not me...anymore.

I was just looking into wheelchair racing events online. I have never been a sports enthusiast, but now, it's kind of like I have this desire to push and prove myself physically. I get chills thinking of Judy and Hope at the finish line calling my name, "Come on, Daddy! You can do it!". This vision makes my eyes tear through my smile. I'm going to do it! I will let you know how I do at my first racing event. Invacare has an impressive Eliminator OSR Manual Racing wheelchair which looks like a sports car to me! What is happening to me? I am 43 years-old and I'm getting into sports, now? I think the 2008 Olympics are inspiring me, also. All I can say is look out - I'm coming!

DOUBTS...

Judy and I have been meeting many people (and couples) online who are living with paralysis. Their willingness to share their stories is inspiring, especially when it comes to their relationships with immediate family members. I am now in contact with a man who is living an almost identical existence with his wife and daughter. He said that whenever thoughts of helplessness go through his mind, he is empowered by his responsibility to his daughter and feels that his disability will never get in the way of being strong for her. I sometimes doubt myself in those times.

Now that Hope understands why daddy is in a wheelchair, her behavior has become very cooperative when I tell her to do something. I've noticed that Judy will tell her to do something, only to hear her say "no", but when I tell her to do the same thing, she immediately agrees. I hope she is not beginning to have pity for me because I am in a wheelchair. I don't want her to see me as weaker than her mom in anyway. I guess only time will tell me whether or not she will have that vision of me. For now, I'm just happy to be alive and with them.

I’ll keep learning from others in my situation and see how I can become stronger…