Troma Script Writing Contest

Dear Tromafanatics:

Our newest script-winner (the term "winner" being used broadly here, of course) is Alan Watkins, a Graduate Student at North Carolina State University. Simultaneously, Alan works a full-time job. And, simultaneous to that, he wastes gads of time writing numerous entries to the Troma scriptwriting contest.

Maybe because he's a grad student, Alan brings to the script a newfound technological confidence, an engaging scientific complexity that has before this been missing in the script. For example, he has created an H.G.-Wellian "Penis Video Transmitter." Oh, I must tell you, we here in the Troma Team have largely underestimated our fans, thinking them capable of only the cheap vulgar gimmick, and never really being able to dive into these more manifold systems of knowledge. When the "Penis Transmitter" shows up in the next Tom Clancy book, kids, you'll know he stole it from Troma.

Keep those entries coming.

Tromaliciously yours,

James Gunn

Write the next two pages and send them in now to: contest@troma.com and you too could win fifty bucks!!!

Midget Boy quickly takes his penis out of his ear and smacks BULL with it.

Quick wetting yourself idiot, how is that possibly gonna help us?

Suddenly MIDGET BOY gets an idea. He sticks his ass out of the window, and all of a sudden we hear a loud plopping noise. Outside, the dead lesbian now has a glowing pile of MIDGET BOY droppings on her.

EXT. PARKING LOT--DAY

(To AMAZONS) Somebody go get her before he covers her with that crap!!

By the time they get to her, the glowing pile has moved over the lesbian's face and she appears to be breathing again! The AMAZONS notice she's still alive.

Cut back to MIDGET BOY, smiling gleefully as his ass produces bellows of smoke.

(to himself) Smoking crack provides eight essential vitamins and minerals, important to rejuvenating dead dykes.

Back to the AMAZONS:

VULGARIA! VULGARIA! She's still alive!

Bring her to me now!

The two AMAZONS bring the now revived lesbian back over to VULGARIA.

Good try, next time we'll know not to mention any type of penis mutilation around lowly men. For now stay here and guard this bitch while we plan our next attack!

Okay VULGARIA.

As she says the last line she looks up and her eyes are seen to be of the same glowing green variety of MIDGET BOY.

INT. WAREHOUSE--DAY

MIDGET BOY gives his penis a light squeeze and a small video screen pops out of the head.

Now maybe we'll be able to see what they're up to out there instead of always having them know what WE'RE up to.

The video camera reveals the view of the REVIVED LESBIAN. VULGARIA is some distance away talking to the other lesbians. MIDGET BOY twists his penis a little and the view pans over to reveal JANET. He starts to talk into his penis.

(into penis) Janet! Are you OK? We'll have you out of this mess as soon as we can.

(on video screen) What? Who said that?

It's okay Janet, we've infiltrated the lesbian's dead body and can now see everything she does. Just don't act suspicious around VULGARIA, okay?

OK, just please hurry. I'm scared!

BULL grabs MIDGET BOY'S penis and starts talking to JANET through it.

Janet, Janet! This is...

MIDGET BOY takes his penis back from BULL, and gives it a squeeze. It turns back to its normal shape and he whacks BULL in the head with it again.

What the hell's the matter with you? Don't EVER touch my penis again! Can't you see it's a very sensitive object and requires handling by only the most skilled professionals?

Sorry...

MIDGET BOY gives his penis another squeeze and the screen pops out again.

Now if we're through playing with each other, let's get to work, okay?