Felder, Richard, "Sorry, Pal--It Doesn't Work That Way."
Chem. Engr. Education, 26(4), 175 (Fall 1992).


Richard M. Felder
Department of Chemical Engineering
North Carolina State University
Raleigh, NC 27695-7905

Dear Professor Felder: Kindly review the enclosed 47-page manuscript, "A New and Much Longer Derivation of the Quantum Correction to Klezmer's Tensor Correlation for Nonnewtonian Flow of Molten Cheese in an Octagonal Orifice. Part 7: Effects of Sunspots." Sincerely, W. Schlepper, Editor, Journal of Pretentious Fluid Mechanics.

P.S. We are attempting to clear our inventory of back papers and so I would appreciate your returning the review by next Tuesday.

...and I know I got a 36 on the final exam, Dr. Felder, and I know it was my high grade for the semester, but I really think I should get an A in the course because I really worked hard on it and I really understand the material and...

Dear Professor Felder: I am a chemical engineering student at East Indiana Tech. We are using your book, Elementary Principles of Chemical Processes, this semester. I think I would learn much better if I could check my solutions against yours. Please send me a solution manual. Sincerely yours, Alvin Wimbish.

P.S. Please send it by Federal Express.

Um, Dr. Felder---the TA missed this here test page completely on that quiz we took last January and it's got everything right on it---I think I should get full credit.

Hey, am I speaking to the Chemical Engineering Department at State?...Who's this?...How you doin', Professor?...You don't know me, but my wife got some black crud on our white linoleum floor and the 409 won't get rid of it, and I said, I'll bet you one of them chemical engineering fellers over at State will know just the thing to clean it up...so what should I get, Doc?

Rich, do me a favor. I just got this manuscript to review from JPFM and I'm tied up with a proposal deadline...it's right up your alley---Snaveley's latest work on nonnewtonian cheese flow...pick up this one for me, ok---I'll owe you. Thanks. Walt.

P.S. By the way, could you get it out by Tuesday?

Hello, is this Dr. Felder?...This is one of your 205 students...I know it's past midnight, but I can't figure out the recycle problem that's due tomorrow and I thought you might...

Dear Professor Felder: We have received the reviews of the paper you submitted in April 1991. All of the reviewers agree that the work is publishable but only after major revisions are made. Reviewer 1 wants you to expand the experimental section considerably, providing details of all the sample preparation steps and adding a glossary of the terms in Figure 6. Reviewer 2 wants the experimental section to be shortened and Figure 6 replaced with a simple flow chart. Reviewer 3 proposes deleting the experimental section, since everyone knows how to do this sort of measurement, and substituting a Far Side cartoon for Figure 6. I agree with the reviewers' suggestions and request that you comply with all of them. Sincerely, E. Wombat, Editor.

P.S. We're trying to clear our inventory of back papers and so I'd like to get the revision back by next Tuesday.

Hello, is this Dick Felder?...Dick, you don't know me but I've got a fantastic opportunity for you to earn big bucks. Let me just have a few minutes of your time to explain....

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